Secrets and Feet

I'm sure I'm not alone when I mention that to this day I still keep secrets to myself about my own dreams and aspirations and things that niggle at me because I have always loved them and always sort after them in a child like manner, that remains in my child like head, that even as a child I would not mention. I can see now that if I had mentioned it all those years ago growing up it would possibly not have pestered me all this time, and instead could have been at least an attempt... but instead I've kept it quiet. Those silly things we laugh off, and even if we do mention it we laugh because it is such an absurd concept and such a far out thing that we are so scared of someones response that so long as it's not said seriously, they won't believe you are serious, all can laugh except that small child who cries a little and curses the voice that made it heard because it breaks it just a tad! It's all rather sad because this is what keeps us going, this is the sparkle in the eye, this is what makes us unique and beautiful. Of course this does not mean I'm going to share any such thing, it simply means that I probably should.

Isn't jealousy a horrible thing. It can bring about bitterness and resentment which the unsuspecting do not deserve and are possibly unaware. Jealousy breeds ugliness if it's not harnessed and redistributed as appreciation and inspiration.



In other news, as my jumbo soy cap has given me the ability to ramble on about messy things at the moment, I burnt my feet yesterday. I didn't just burn them, ouch, the ground was hot. I burnt them. Blistered them. Both of feet are currently sporting large blisters over the bottom of them. Walking down to the beach yesterday for my jumbo soy cap and possibly a swim (first one of the season!) my thongs were rubbing on my foot and giving me a blister on top of my foot, being lazy and not wanting to walk back home to change them I decided to test it bare foot as each year over summer I usually live with out shoes. The ground seemed not to be that hot, so I carried on holding my thongs. By the time I was down the street I realised that my feet were actually in a fair bit of pain and put the thongs back on and kept walking to the shops and the beach. By the time I reached the bakery I was in large amounts of pain and walking awkwardly... by the time I'd received the goods I could hardly walk and made it to a tree where I sat, drank and ate and dreaded the thought of walking back. As there was no other way I was going to make it home I had to power on and walk... the open sore on top of my foot from the thongs didn't bother me on the way back! I walked in the door, took the thongs off, got ice out of the freezer and stuck it in a bag, lay on the couch with my feet on the ice . This morning I drained the blisters, it's a tad better to walk on now.

This would be all fine and dandy if it was the first (and last) time I'd ever done it. But it's not! I did it in Thailand last year as well, they popped while I walked and carried the kayak through the middle of the busy market stalls after my friends and I had underestimated just how much time it would take us to go the entire way around the island and instead had to cut through the middle to return the kayak. So that's twice. But even before that incidence I'd done it on one of my many reckless adventures (I really miss those adventures). As it is only just November, and not even summer yet I'm wondering if this is going to be a one off? I would like to say yes, however I live just up the road from the beach and I really don't like having things to carry around the beach so there's a distinct possibility that it won't be.

Wowee, of all the exciting tales I could have told I talked about blistered feet. In keeping with the theme... my housemate and I abandoned our walking routing last night in favour of push ups and sit ups which we haven't tried yet in our exercise regime. So while our pizza's cooked, we were on the tiles attempting this. As neither of us have fantastic upper body strength we ended up on the ground many a time until we decided not to keep going with it because "the floor smells funny". Indeed the floor did smell funny, and on closer inspection it was discovered that it smelt just like dirty socks. In all honesty it has never occurred to me that the floor would smell like dirty socks or dirty feet for that matter... it was disgusting and enough motivation for me to mop it this morning.

Yesterday was a year smoke-free! It seems unfair that I'd still love to pick up a pack, sit down and chain smoke on the beach. However it does feel fantastic and I don't feel like I will actually give in now... now time to counteract the ramifications of quitting! Get my fitness on and eat well!

I enjoy listening to Bon Iver's music. Skinny Love is especially lovely.

Vegan?

Blues and Roots Festival Byron Bay 2009

It is a beautiful sunny saturday. I have had a healthy breakfast and had my coffee down on one of my favourite spots on the rocks over looking the water and instead of going to join my housemate down by the food and wine fair on the grassy hills and the beach, am going to work. Oh well, atleast I'm enjoying work at the moment and learning magnificently large amounts of interesting things... I don't even feel like a fraud anymore.

I've been thinking about Veganism a bit lately and looked around at a couple of sites last night. I have mixed emotions about it. I believe in being resourceful, however I also believe if there are alternatives that are just as easily attainable as animal products that they should be used. I'm vegetarian, but if I was to live off the land and in that situation I would have no problem eating meat if I had caught and prepared it myself and it was best for my health. Circle of life, etc. But at the shopping centres there are far too many alternatives. I use soy milk, and am not a great fan of eggs but still have products that contain those things. Perhaps I'll look into cooking vegan meals... hmhmhm.

I'm also feeling rather creative and excitable about being healthy and making and designing new things... now I just need to create time to do them in. I just seem to end up down by the beach at every spare moment that I'm not working.

*

Cliffs of Insanity
(Re: the Princess Bride)
Ireland

It's so easy to lose focus! One minute I'm buzzing around eating delicious colourful fruits and vegetables, seeds, nuts and yoghurt while walking down to the beach a couple of times a day and racing around work while speaking excitedly about life and all it's possibilities to my new friend at work and the next I've let myself get far too tired, eating less then nutritious foods and in my couple of days off have done very little of the things I would have loved to.

Try, try again. Keep on keeping on.

I still had quite a lovely mid-week weekend though. Catching up with friends I haven't seen in a long while who kindly came to see me as I seem to have become quite a recluse up here in my little beachy haven and busy work.

Galway,
Ireland

Galway,
Ireland

I will?

Saying something out loud sometimes makes it seem like it has a greater meaning accompanied by greater expectation applying greater pressure. I thought I'd keep this one to myself, which is tough for me! I get far too excited about things, let it slip, and become discouraged by responses that I don't appreciate. Which I think is the wrong attitude to have really. It simply means I must be stronger. Sure, don't let everyone know... but if it is out loud, then I can't ignore it as well and I will just have to turn this pressure that I've imagined is a bad thing into a positive thing and channel it into what I was already doing, and what I was already achieving when it was kept to myself and not be discouraged simply because someone thinks differently, after all that is what I appreciate about people... their differences and varying perspectives. All this nervous energy and anxiety I seem to have at present could just be doubt? Which is silly.... if I remember that perhaps I'll just keep keeping on? I hope so. Which is silly again, I'll stop hoping so and just do it!

I bought another canvas yesterday... now I just need some green paints... I love green at the moment, especially really green greens...

Best go cook up some dinner to take to work.

As I haven't taken new pictures since last time, here are some pictures from when I was overseas earlier this year.

Switzerland

It was so difficult to leave

I'll make it back there one day.

I just realised I will, and I will can have different meanings.... hm.

Gecko, Gecko what the hecko....

Found this little guy hiding under our blow up pool when we moved it, so I hung out with him for a while before going to work.

I really must get back on my motor bike. I am such a chicken... and I might decide to get rid of the bike, but I want it to be for the right reasons. I may as well learn while I have it and not let fear hold me back from something i'm actually capable of!

Work has been so busy. I still have this image of one of the patients running accross the helicopter pad being chased by another nurse while i'm left standing there with a cup of water and the medication wondering what on earth just happened!

Daylight Savings begins tomorrow!!! SO Excited, and as of 330pm tomorrow I also begin my weekend! Good times.

Mangos, sunflowers and sunshine

Today I walked to the beach and sat on the rock over the ocean drinking my regular soy cappacino. I then bought fruit and walked home, stopping for a quick chat with a stranger about fruit markets and having kids riding their bikes ask me for some food. I then ate mango and kiwi fruit out in the sunshine with my sunflower that now nearly reaches to shoulder height and Mr Ota the Turdle in the back garden. AND! I spotted my first cicada shell of the season! Life is Delicious.

Now off to work where I shall, as always, vow that this time I will have it all under control... of course this is near impossible as the unpredictable does and will occur. Atleast I accept that now :)

Mr OTA! He jet bolted off the table soon after this... naughty turdle. He has eaten 4 of his fishy friends now! Leaving behind 3 black tetras and 3 blue and red neon tetras.

Dublin

Today I am in Dublin, Ireland on a brilliantly sunny day! Tomorrow I shall be leaving for Galway... unless of course something else takes my fancy. I love having no plans, nothing locked in, no bookings!! Today I finally bought some hiking boots... I think I'd have taken anything he suggested my feet were so sore, not the most practical shoes I've been wearing for the amount of walking I've been doing for the past week. It'll be great to go to Galway and get away from the City. I have to look into going to Dingle as well, south of Galway... an American girl that I met last night had just come back from there and she raved about it!

I should start writing down my trip a tad more here... it'd make some sense.

Blues and Roots festival 2009

Over easter I travelled up to Byron Bay for the Blues and Roots festival where I was introduced to new music which managed to blow my mind! There were also bands I had previously listened to or even seen that were phenomenal as well. I have seen a fair bit of live music and love it, but this was something else, I have never seen such a beautiful response from the crowd or beautiful performers.

Highlight acts for me:

AYO
I had no idea who Ayo was, but what a stunning performer with beautiful music! Magic! The crowd was loving it, smiling and dancing. just so... joyful. One of the best performances I've ever seen. You could tell she really loved what she was doing. It's soul/folk/reggae, and Ben Harper personally requested she play on the same stage prior to his performance which lucky for me is why I got to see her! To me she far out shon him.

JOHN BUTLER TRIO
Although I've seen JBT a couple of times previously and enjoyed their music, seeing them at Blues Fest brought it to another level and I love how passionate they are about what they do, both their music and the various causes they promote and work for.

BLUE KING BROWN

Blue King Brown were another stand out act who I'd never heard of before, but they were also fantastic fun and had an awesome stage presence!

I just loved it! The whole experience, the atmosphere, the crowds, new music, the art and crafts, hula hoops, the mud and gumboots! Just beautiful.

Alot of the bands, particularly Blue King Brown, Missy Higgins and John Butler Trio all talked and promoted the campaign to save the Kimberley in WA where they are in the advanced stages of planning for a major natural gas plant they want to build. I haven't read up on it yet and until the concert and visiting the website I wasn't aware of what was going on, but it seems so tragic! I have always wanted to visit, and have always thought it to be such a beautiful and magical place with a lot of cultural history and significance within the Aboriginal communities.

Slide

I had a crazy moment where I decided that scanning in all the family photos was a great idea... I have scanned just under 1000 now and barely made a dent so am starting to wonder what I got myself into! It's great though, I do enjoy it. Particularly scanning in the slides and negatives as I don't know what I'm going to get. I found these fantastic ones of my mum and her sisters when they were kids.

It has really got me thinking about photography and digital vs. film. I was looking through the slides of dads adventures around Australia on his first trip. I really love the idea of not having a thousand and one photos, trying to get that perfect snap! It's nice to not know what you're going to get, it's more fun, the pictures seem to have alot more quirks. I always remember how exciting it was finishing a role of film and taking it in to get developed. So that's what I was thinking about because I have my trip coming up! And I'd really like to do something special like that. hm, so many ideas!!! Anyway, I received my digital camera back from the shop today, complete with new lense under warranty, atleast I wasn't imagining things and more importantly, i can get back to picture taking adventures!

I have 28 more sleeps until I get to go on a plane and fly into London! It's very exciting. The plane trip alone is exciting enough! I don't have any plans for over there just yet, nothing set in stone anyway. I should probably organise a couple of things... even if it's just some accomodation for when I first get there.

On my outing to the pub friday night something I found interesting was brought to my attention... It mentions no where that Humpty Dumpty is an egg!!! And yet he is depicted as one in each illustration! I'd never thought about it before, so it amused me greatly and I've done a bit of research on it and found out alot of different theories. I guess the most informative site was good ol' Wikipedia...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Humpty_Dumpty

what next?

Flowers outside a temple in Chiang Mai, Thailand.

I'm so grateful I have such fantastic people in my life! Today was full of them.

My parents accepted an offer for the house today, which means in four weeks I am out of a place to live. I'm sure this should ordinarily be a concern... but I'm so excited! Anything could happen! Finding a semi-permanent place for my things may be more of a chore, but I've no doubt it will be fine so I haven't really given it a second thought.

My lovely cousin visited this evening, so as always after our chats I am very excited about life and all the up and coming adventures! You should go and visit her blog, piece of sunshine!!!

I miss my funny traveling companions and our wacky Thailand adventures... It's strange to think an entire year has gone by since we were over there.

meow

I love my beautiful little Jinxy Cat.

and


Funny signs the local 7-eleven advertise.

The day after my misadventure with the puppy dog and my motorcycle, we had a paraplegic patient who had become so after a motorcycle accident 30 years prior... I haven't been back on the bike since. I thought perhaps that was the sign i needed and that my adventures were over, but I have decided not to give up just yet. However I think I will wait until the swelling from getting my wisdom teeth removed has gone down, there will be less difficulty when putting my helmet on that way.

I came across this site while exploring the crafty areas of the web today, and i think it's fantastic! It makes me very excited about things, even if it's exploring and talking to people about the different things they are creating:

http://www.extremecraft.com/

I also found this while looking for sites on budgies for a friend and it made me giggle lots, if you listen to the song it gets stuck in your head! or at least it did mine...

http://www.budgieman.co.uk/

they come in three's?

Determined not to give up on my riding endeavours i ventured out again this evening, cautiously. Dad rode the bike up to the quiet industrial area at sunset, and i followed in his car... then we exchanged. The sunset was beautiful! Fleeting thoughts of how I should be somewhere beautiful to see this passed as I realised that it was fantastic that no matter where I was, the sunset still made everything beautiful and that I was continuing on to learn new things and beat my fears despite earlier deterrence's.



Riding around was fantastic. I practiced the things that I felt were most important, and the lessons I had learnt from earlier on in the week determined to have a good evening out and something positive to report. Without turning it into a long winded story, I hit a dog! Oh my goodness. It was the quietest possible part of the area. A lady had let her two small dogs out of the car and was letting them run around behind it as she drove slowly on. As it was a culdesac I had no choice but to turn around and go past them, but I slowed right down and kept watching them. But it looked at me and darted in front of me! I ended up dropping the bike, yes... that does make it three out of three times this week. And the lady was very nice and concerned about me, while I was simply concerned about the dog who had jumped back inside the car as she stepped out of it. She must have realised she was liable and she seemed like a lovely lady so she wasn't paying any attention to the dog. Admittedly for a fleeting moment I did think that having the dogs chase your car instead of walking them was not going to do anything for the obesity problems, and it did not help that she was not exactly a slender person. Thankfully that quickly passed though, getting cranky does nothing for guilt (it was a horrible feeling!) and in the great scheme of things just didn't matter!



I guess now I decide whether I learn from this in the sense that I shouldn't ride anymore, or I take it as lessons and practice and prepare myself for every possible thing. I have to decide if it matters enough to me. I do thoroughly enjoy it. I can see myself having a great deal of fun with it. Massively super amounts in fact. But there is only so much you can prepare yourself for, so the risk factor comes into it. But the guilt that came along with possibly having injured that little dog, and what could have happened is big! I'm not sure I can do that. It's one thing to put myself at risk, and it's another to put others. Driving as a form of transport is different to going for a joy ride. That didn't need to happen! Luckily the little dog was ok, and the first thing my brother said when I mentioned I hit a dog was "did it chase the wheels?"... so it's a common occurrence with dogs.

In any case, I am a rather lucky duckie!

I am missing my camera at the moment, it is in the shop getting fixed.

I haven't set out for a sunrise in a long while. Too long! I miss it. Chasing it in the morning with my camera to different spots and then off exploring somewhere. Even when I went and watched them before work... I wonder when daylight savings ends... It's not as fun driving to work in the dark.


I'm really excited about studying at the moment. Or study prospects at least. There's a lot I want to study, but there are also a lot of places I want to go and things I want to try... I was thinking of studying overseas the next time I committed to a course, but at the moment I'm excited about doing an outdoor recreation course... and I'm quite sure I wouldn't want to do that somewhere other then Australia... so I'll stay here and just travel to another area. Maybe I should do a survival course first. Maybe tomorrow I'll change my mind again. I still want to take off, without commitments, with my swag and my camera, and chase the sun as it rises and falls around Australia, with out time and dates and anywhere I have to be. So many possibilities!

This is the one and only picture of me on my bike, and it's the first time I ever got on it. I say that like it was a life time ago, but really it was only three attempts ago (which was a week ago). While Sunday was good and I ventured out of the car park, Monday was... less good? The bike went over again. heh, oooops! This time I found it more concerning because I was starting to feel a lot more confident, and it was at an intersection. It had me doubting whether I even wanted to ride, and if the risk was worth it, and if people with a daydreamer disability should even be allowed to ride on the road! Which would certainly count me out. However I wasn't able to go out on it this evening, and I really want to! So I think that answers that question. For now I shall just stick to the industrial area and empty car parks... I also think I have to come up with a name for my bike.

No more procrastination....

I found this birds egg while exploring and taking pictures in the same burnt bush I found the car in. It was my most favourite find.

Admittedly I have been at a bit of a loss the last little while. I'm up to date with everything. There is not one little thing that actually needs doing. No bills are due, or over due which would be normal, no assignments, no paperwork, no errands and organising... not even cleaning! I can't procrastinate, because there is nothing else that I should be doing! Theoretically this should be fantastic, but instead it just feels uncomfortable and I'm not doing any of the fun things I would usually want to be doing or that I'd usually do instead of doing the things that I should be doing! I'm happy to learn and get used to it though, having nothing specific that needs doing is not unpleasant.

I did venture out of the car park today on my motorcycle, and actually made it all the way home! That was a very exciting feat in itself and something I've been avoiding. Riding is far more scary then I had originally thought. Hanging over the side of a cliff on a rope or jumping out of a plane scares me a lot less. I feel bunches more confident after today though, thanks to my lovely friend who took me out and didn't give up on me even after I dropped the bike in the first few minutes!

Nine weeks until I leave for London! I haven't decided on the places I'll be visiting yet. Nothing is really organised. But I don't really want it to be... in fact I'm really not keen on the idea of having to book accommodation, transport and lock things in, it doesn't seem to leave enough leeway. But I suppose nothing is permanent.